Where Does My Tithe Money Go? (Kelly takes a vacation)

When you give to a church it's usually understood that the money goes to support the church's finances and keep it running.  Being a pastor's daughter I was well aware that the lights weren't free and the offering paid Daddy's salary.  

At The Crossing church it's a little different: you are giving to God!  You are told repeatedly that God needs 10% (minimum) back and if you give this you'll be blessed!  You can visibly see that a multi-million dollar building is being built but the premise is this: bigger church - more people can fit - so more people get saved by Jesus.  They say they are now being transparent with finances and I'll admit I haven't seen this yet.  

I did see this: These were all the dates Kelly traveled this year.  WOW!

1/25-1/28 - Alabama (funeral / family)
2/2 - St. Louis
2/12-2/16 - C3 - Dallas (conference)
3/18 - Haiti
3/19 - Miami (flying back from Haiti)
4/1 - IA (Easter with family)
5/16 - Seattle (conference)
5/28 - 6/13 - Extended Vacation
9/9 - Houston (Joel Osteen)
10/1 - Staff Retreat
10/17 - Brainerd
11/11-11/17 - Nashville (conference)
11/28 - IA (Thanksgiving with family)
12/2 - 12/6 - Liberty Church / PA, Ohio, Niagara Falls (9 state road trip)
12/25 - Off on another plane (assuming for Christmas with family)

Whether for a conference or family vacation that's a lot of money spent traveling.  Tithe money.  The Dykstra's are of course free to allocate their salaries in any way they choose.  But I have to ask; how much was paid for by the church?  

While pondering this I looked up my Paypay account to see my giving history to The Crossing.  The attached picture is only two months worth of giving.  Looking back I can see how they used manipulation and fear to persuade me, and so many others, to give.  I gave as if I was paying off a mob boss (God).  I never expected blessings - I was just looking for less pain - maybe some protection.  

I sacrificed to give this much.  This was WAY above 10%, this was savings, this was grocery money.  I'm left to wonder how much went to a vacation, shoes or dining out.  I can't lie about this; I'm seething just thinking about it.

Get your Breakthrough at The Crossing Church

It was recently said to me  "I hope these posts give you the peace you need."  I said, "They give me laughs!"  Though I really do get a ton of laughs while writing these, her comment really stuck with me.  I asked myself "What am I getting from this blog?"  I did a post explaining why I care yet the latest posts are for much more than simply talking about what happened in the past and how The Crossing Church has never formally apologized to those they hurt.  My recent posts about The Crossing's 10% Advantage is about how churches manipulate and play on people's emotions and fears to get money.  It's sick and it's wrong.

I keep posting because I find The Crossing's formula, actually the typical Christian formula, to be a form of emotional and spiritual abuse.

Sure there is Grace; but want to make it better?  You don't HAVE to tithe but if you do then you get MORE!  People go to church, and most specifically churches like The Crossing, because they promise a better future.  They are selling hope at the bargain price of only 10% of your income!  This is done under the guise of "giving back to God".  Do all this and get a Breakthrough!

This is all well and good until:

• there is job loss, no one hiring and bills are piling up
• your debilitating pain condition gets worse
• a child dies
• a loved one is diagnosed with mental illness and life becomes chaos
• your church kicks you out
• your spouse has an affair and asks for a divorce
• your depression worsens and you become immobile
• Mr./Mrs. Right never comes

Yet it never stops at merely giving money; there will be bible study ("getting into the Word!"), small groups, serving, praying, praying some more, having others pray for you and baptism.  Each of these keeps you doing something so you feel that surely your prayers will get answered.  When something goes right they yell "Yeah God!" and when it all falls apart you are left alone in your misery. Sure there will be the typical comments of "Are you praying?  Are you giving?  Do you have bitterness in your heart?  Are you sure you are really a Christian?" and the extra loving "Well I had a hard life too and I'm happy so what's your problem!?".  Ahh the Christian love!

Prayers will go unanswered.  It does not always work out in the end.  You have no guarantees.  This is life.  What The Crossing does, and so many churches like them, is to set people up for a downfall, disbelief and heartbreak.

My best breakthrough was the day I left.

Crossing Church's 10% Advantage or Gambling with Jesus - Part III

"Tithing in your poverty, gives you the supernatural possibility of moving to plenty." ~ Eric Dykstra

Unlike giving to a charity where you know your money goes to a good cause and you get nothing in return, pastors play on your desire for more when preaching about tithing.  They won't say you'll definitely have more money if you tithe but the implication is there the entire time.  

First the verses of "God's promises" (These are always Christian favorites.  These are the quotable verses, the ones you put on a special card or key chain.  I get it.  You sure don't want Deuteronomy 22:28-29 as a fridge door magnet!)

Jeremiah 29:11 - “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Never mind that this verse was for the entire nation of Israel and not special shout out to you.  Sure wouldn't want to read anything in context!

Philipians 4:19 - "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." First, there is nothing about tithing here.  Second, Paul is speaking to a church, not YOU!

After the verses, and more promises that God will perfectly take care of you (In the old school days a singer would belt into "His eye is on the sparrow" about now.) then comes some amazing examples.  The Crossing first told of a couple who tithed and God gave them a booming business (A huge storm hit Bloomington and their construction business hit the jackpot!  Yeah God!).  The next week was a story about a lady who prayed that if God gave her money she'd use it wisely.  She then goes to her daughter's shower, gets a scratch off lottery ticket and wins $100,000.  The parallels between her scratch off, and the money people put into the church in hopes God will shower them with blessings, is down right hysterical.  

All this plays with people's minds.  They want more money, they want nice things, they want to be out of poverty, and just like putting some money down on the blackjack table in hopes of winning, they do the same with giving to church.  It's all shrouded in grace, love and generosity but it still comes down to greed.  If it wasn't about the gamble of "you have to put something in to get more out" then the example stories wouldn't be needed.  

They don't show the stories of the people who gave and lost their jobs, lost their homes, got sick and died.  Tithing gives the illusion of security and protection.  People are led to believe that if they put in 10% plus then some supernatural voodoo will happen and they won't have financial issues.  This is also where shaming comes in.  If someone says they are broke, they are sick or they are down and out, the first questions are: "Are you tithing?"  "Do you have faith?"  "Have you put Jesus first?"  "Are you praying?"  Blah, blah, blah...  So if shit isn't working out then you'd better believe it's Your Fault!

Pastor Eric Dykstra - You are a prosperity preacher.  You might not like the name but you really need to own it.  You are using people for your own gain.  Again.  Just with the new tagline of "grace".  It's wrong.

Crossing Church's 10% Advantage or Gambling with Jesus - Part II

"If you are returning the tithe, and still not walking into more than enough, it's probably because you don't know where the other 90% went."  ~ Eric Dykstra

These are the 5 points that The Crossing Church says you need to do in order to live "abundantly".

1.) Return the Tithe
2.) Ask God how he wants you to budget his money
3.) Save
4.) Plan for the future
5.) Listen to the Spirit of God and be generous

You are obviously doing quite well Pastor Dykstra.  If you are able to have a savings, saving for retirement, saving for your children's college, able to buy a beautiful house on the river, buy your wife a new Dodge Charger, travel non-stop (Or are the tithes of your church paying for that since it's "church business"?) - then you are living large compared to the average person in your church.  How are you preaching about saving for retirement when you told your church in 2011 that you'd given your entire 401K to the building Samurai fund?  

I gave.  I gave the Full Tithe.  I gave much more.  I gave until it hurt and then I gave more.  What happened?  Nothing.  No random checks in the mail, no winning lottery tickets given to me, no bonuses at work.  Or was this a special character builder?

I saved.  No credit card debt, no payments except for regular bills and no "extras".  I gave ALL of my savings to the Crossing multiple times when they convinced me that if I "planted a seed", then God would take care of me.  What happened?  I no longer had a savings.  

I budgeted.  No car payment (high miles), thrift store shopping, coupons and eating leftovers.  No flat screen, no iphone, no bigger house, no new car.

Though I'm making fun of The Crossing's manipulative examples of people who tithed and then God blessed the living hell out of them, I really never expected any special thing to happen if I tithed  My charity giving (which is supposed to be above the 10% you give to the church) was because I cared and felt it was the right thing to do.  The tithe was because I'd been indoctrinated to fear what would happen if I didn't give.  I just didn't want God to hurt me anymore.  So funny that now Pastor Dykstra says the tithe isn't based on the law.  As always, "my yoke is easy and my burden is light" just doesn't exist in the church.  Especially not an up and coming mega church.  

Pastor Eric said, "Do you know what separates atheists from Christians?  Generosity."  That's bullshit.  All my atheist friends are insanely generous.  Generous because they are amazing people...not because they are looking to get something.  

I no longer tithe.  What happened?  Nothing.  Oh wait...I got a 10% income raise!  

Crossing Church's 10% Advantage or Gambling with Jesus - Part I

Pastor Eric Dykstra starts this series claiming "I'm not a prosperity preacher - I'm a grace preacher!"  You are most certainly, without any question, a Prosperity Preacher.  You are playing on people's emotions and giving them hope in their actions (tithing +) as a way for security.  

Some quotes from the series:

"Prosperity is not a bad word, it's a bible word."  So is humility.

"He'll richly provide us with everything for our enjoyment."  Is this how Jesus lived?  Or Paul?  

"If you bring the full tithe he'll take you to the place of no need."  So if you have need then it's your fault.  

"God says I would love to give you more but I've got to get more through you." Again, if your life isn't working then you just need to give more.  Favorite Joel Osteen quote, which Pastor Eric referenced, "If you have a need then plant a seed."  

"Tithing in your poverty gives you the Supernatural POSSIBILITY of moving to plenty."  So do slot machines.  They even go so far as to tell about a woman who was tithing, asked God for money and got a $100,000 dollar lottery ticket.  Hopefully her tithe from this big win will pay for most of their $15,000 Grand Opening fund.  Money well spent; it's not like there are people who are down and out and could use a hand.  Oh wait...those people should be tithing if they need help!!  Duh!

From Kelly Dykstra's blog: "We are drawn to bubble baths, fuzzy slippers, a crackling fireplace, pretty shoes, shiny stones, delicious food...because they represent the entitled life; the class for which we were created."  Really Kelly?  God wants us to live the entitled life?  We should be praying to get new cars?  I see the Dykstra's doing very well; constantly flying around the country, new Charger, fabulous dining out.  Living large!  Hey Crossing staff - is life this great for you?

"If you are returning the tithe, and still not walking into more than enough, it's probably because you don't know where the other 90% went."  

This entire series so far has been audio only.  Normally The Crossing loves to promote and look at themselves so this is extra interesting.  Reminds me of a previous time when they were also talking about tithing and money and didn't post the last sermon in the series.  So if everything you are preaching is good and about Jesus, then why the secrecy?  

There is so much more to say, and I will most definitely say it, but for now I need to go throw up in my mouth.  

Bible Interpretations and Truth

As I've said before, this blog is simply my thoughts at the moment.  If you're looking for a hardcore theology debate then please go elsewhere because you will only piss me off.  That said; I've been thinking a lot about all the various interpretations of the bible and how amusing it is that each group/person believes their interpretation is the correct one.

The study of the principles of interpretation concerning the books of the bible is referred to as biblical hermeneutics.  There are many principles involved such as: Historical, Grammatical, Breach, Moral, First Mention and Predictive, to name just a few.  If you're into it then go study it.  There is enough written to keep you occupied indefinitely.  Frankly, I'm not interested.  From my vantage point, no matter how much you study, look into history, understand the language it was written, compare it with other verses, it's still nothing but your human interpretation and view.  Your knowledge, degrees and agreement with others in your field of study don't impress me; or should I say they are impressive but this does not translate for me to ultimate truth.

It is estimated that there are 4,200 religions in the world.  There are approximately 41,000 Christian denominations.  But your interpretation is the right one?

I am completely done with religion.  I can no longer listen to man's interpretation of the mysterious, the unknown and the divine.  My path is unknown but it is free.

“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.”

~ Walt Whitman

The Comfort of Belief

As I looked at my annoyance and animosity towards those that cannot explain their beliefs, or never explored why they believe what they believe, I want to try and look at it from their point of view.  As dear Dr. Phil says, "If you keep doing something, then you are getting something out of it."  So I'd like to look into what these people get out of remaining uninformed.  

I first have to ask myself what I got out of my ignorance.  I had a pattern, from childhood, of asking a question and then when the person's answer still left me with more questions I'd get angry.  Sometimes I'd keep asking until I usually exasperated the person I was asking, as they didn't have a real answer, and they'd then rebuke me in some way.  I was told I caused dissension.  I was told I had a spirit of rebellion.  Lots of shaming but still no answers.  

As an adult I stopped asking after awhile and simply tried to ignore the growing cognitive dissonance.  I comforted myself with John 3:12-  I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?.  I tried to believe I didn't see the entire picture.  I decided I didn't see the big picture, since I wasn't God, and tried desperately to trust there was a reason for it all.  I was tired of the questions and was desperate for "the peace which passes all understanding".  The peace never came and the questions got bigger.  I screamed into the nothingness the words of Mark 9:24 - ..."“Lord, I believe;help my unbelief!”  But did I even believe?  Truly believe?  Not really.  But I sure didn't want to burn in hell so I pressed forward.  

I started going to The Crossing Church as a last ditch effort at Christianity which I briefly detail on my first post.  They had a class called "Ask Anything" which was supposed to be a bit salacious and edgy.  I came with a list of questions and verses that troubled me.  When I asked my question I was extremely agitated as this meant a lot to me.  I pointed out a specific verse that I couldn't reconcile in my brain with a God of love.  I said, "Why should I worship this God?!"  Pastor Eric laughed and said, "Then don't!" and proceeded to get the crowd to laugh at me.  I kept on until he finally became annoyed and told me they had to go to other questions.  Break time came and I was still seething.  My head was screaming for me to leave but I sat motionless.  Eric came to me and dropped the belittling demeanor and said, "There are verses in the bible I don't like also.  You just have to lean into the love of Jesus."  Leaning into the love of Jesus was something I couldn't do as I'd never felt that love.  I'd prayed "the sinner's prayer" more times than I could count.  I begged to have the emotion and feeling others had of this love, grace and mercy.  Yet I felt nothing.  

After leaving the church I was numb and didn't know what to do.  I began speaking to people of all faiths and no faith.  I started to research all the biblical things that caused my mind to explode and that was where my world fell apart.  There were no pat answers.  There was no perfect solution.  I could no longer hide behind ignorance or unknowing. There was nothing left to comfort me and I had to face that I was agnostic.  It's only been in the past few months that I have vocalized being agnostic.  


So coming back to those that cannot explain the origins of their beliefs, why they believe or even what they believe.  I recently heard someone say, in reference to challenging beliefs, that "when people's anxiety gets trumped up they start behaving badly".  I've seen this time and time again.  When I confront or dispute long held Christian beliefs, even in the form of questions, people get very agitated.  Their faith, in whatever form they make it, comforts them.  For me to put their long held beliefs up to scrutiny is like pulling the spiritual rug out from under them.  I want to own my part though.  I also recently heard on this same subject matter, "we want to be affirmed by them and are angry they aren't affirming us".  Ouch.  Yes, I can definitely own those feelings.  

This brings me to a bigger question: Why do I feel the need to make them understand their own beliefs?  There is anger and jealousy there.  Whether they are living a fantasy or reality, they appear to be skipping merrily down the land while I drown in doubt.  I miss the days of believing (or trying to believe) God would take care of everything.  There is a lot of comfort and security in the ignorance.  But I had seen the man behind the curtain so I couldn't go back.  So where does this leave us?  Do I demand they affirm me?  Do I smile and nod when they throw out a "God is good, all the time" statement, while shoving down my disdain?  Is there room for dialogue and conversation while maintaining the relationship?  I hope so.  We all deserve respect and safety in these issues and questions.