I tried for many years to suppress my questions and play the game. Turn on a proper Christian radio station, read Christian books, slap a fish on your bumper and forgive the pain of the past. They had a formula: Jesus + Faith + Being Good = Happiness. The formula didn't work. When you ask why the formula doesn't work for you this makes people quite unnerved as if there was a flaw in the formula then something bad might happen to them as well. "You need more faith." "Do you have unconfessed sin?" "Have you fasted?" "Have you prayed? Well how much have you prayed? Did you pray with someone else?" "God must be testing you." There was always a well worn cliche or new piece to the puzzle to explain away why your life wasn't like theirs.
A few years ago I'd had enough of it all and was ready to throw in the towel when a postcard came in the mail telling me about this new, hip church. The postcard was flashy and creative and peaked my interest. I thought maybe, just maybe, this could be the place for me. This was the Crossing Church in Elk River, Minnesota. I loved the first service there. The pastor was highly engaging, funny and practical. For lack of a better word; they seemed cool. We went to their Christmas Eve service not too long after and I fell in love with the place. The service was edgy and non-traditional and for the first time in years I was emotionally moved.
As we continued to go I wanted to get involved. After a bad experience at our previous church my husband was not happy with this and said "Don't get into it. If you get involved you'll see what really goes on. I like the place and don't want to stop liking it." Those turned out to be quite insightful words in the end. I didn't listen.
I went to their Cellar classes, started going to their Celebrate Recovery program and started volunteering. Each sermon still came down to the Christian formula but I tried to ignore this. The Crossing felt like my last hope with Christianity. If this didn't work then I guess I was going to have to burn in hell.
There were many signs through the years that something wasn't right but I ignored them. Verses being taken out of context, talk of submission and obeying your leaders, a huge focus on giving to them and the many blessings you'd receive if you did. I gave and gave with faith that if I gave more, gave sacrificially, gave with a pure heart that life was going to start working out. Many sermons I left energized and hopeful as I thought that if I just did what I'd been told then this "life change" they preached on would occur.
A bad and hurtful situation went down with me and a church leader. Though I'd love to call this woman out by name, and probably should to protect the innocent, I'm choosing not to at this time. She is a huge issue at the Crossing through spreading gossip, getting people kicked out and not protecting anonymity as she should. I know full well she's told people all I had told her but I comfort myself knowing she never remembered the details correctly anyway and got it all wrong. So while many might think they know my secrets all they know is her warped version of them. My husband encouraged me to go to the lead pastors about this but shortly after a sermon came out called 'I Love My Church' and then a 'Submission' series which both told me in no uncertain terms that there was nowhere to go, no one to talk to and nothing that could be done. I prayed for her repentance. I prayed for reconciliation between us. Nothing happened.
It all came to a head for me in the Spring of 2011. A lady from the church that I'd met via Facebook was kicked out of the Crossing. Everything in me said that this had to do with this same abusive church leader and I was right. I heard her story and she heard mine. I knew I had to leave. Very soon after I was told of a blog about a mother who had lost her son to the Crossing. This was 'One Mother's Journey' which I read with horror. After all the time, effort and money I couldn't simply walk away so I wrote a letter to the lead pastors. I received a call back saying that "I expect an amends will be coming your way soon...we love you." This was the last I heard from them.
Later posts can speak of all that has gone on since then. I'm left bewildered and battered. I'm not sure if I would call myself a Christian anymore as I want nothing to do with what is going on in these businesses (churches) today. I've had it with the cherry picking of verses. I'm done with having my faith treated like a recipe that I'm missing ingredients for. I will no longer be a part of a group that damages people the way churches do. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus and that's about it right now.
I'll end this first post by saying this: I loved the Crossing and truly want them to stop hurting people. This blog isn't about being vindictive or bringing on revenge. It is about my truth. My truth which I have a right to and will tell.
More information:
http://matthew23chick.blogspot.com/2012/01/sun-is-shining-brightly-today-and.html
http://randalljquick.blogspot.com/
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/11/02/pastor-addresses-controversy-at-the-crossing/
1 comment:
We are sorry to hear that another soul was hurt by an abusive group of cult leaders who are supposed to be representing God. We definitely understand where you are coming from. We have been there and back. You definitely don't need a controlling group or any group for that matter to lead you to God. So many churches are completely corrupt. My wife and I do not attend church any more because we believe that a group of people that assemble together in an expensive building and take up offerings while controlling your life is not a church. We do believe in God and also that Jesus died for our sins. We also believe in the bible and focus more on what Jesus did than we do on what others try to push on us. Jesus loved people and hated the hypocrites. Jesus loved people who sinned while he hated the Dykstras of His time. They were called Pharisees, Saducees, doctors, lawyers and scribes, but what they were was actually the religious leaders of that time.
We came out of a very harsh church that appealed to it's members by preaching Christ and many got saved and you could see the love and the joy in their hearts. This love came from God, not the leaders of this church, who later would wear these same Christians down with man made rules and manipulative controlling (false) doctrines. I know this first hand because I was one of them and so was my wife. We met 25 years ago while we were both serving in the Army. I invited her out to my church which I thought was the only church that was preaching the truth and shortly after we developed a connection and we wanted to get married. We were not allowed to get married because she was told that God had called her to bible school while I was still serving in the Military. She had everything going for her. She was, (and still is), a very intelligent woman with a bright future ahead of her, but they made her believe that God's will was for her to attend their brain washing academy. Our relationship was destroyed and while we spent many more years in this church, we were discouraged from contacting each other. Finally years after we had both left this cult we connected and discovered that our love for each other was still real and we got married, and have been happily married for five years now. While this might sound like a good story there are many years that we wasted making others rich while we suffered.
After 13 years of being in this cult I left the cult feeling like I'd never be a Christian again unless I came crawling back to this group. I lived like this for 14 years thinking that God hated me. That was so far from the truth. We are not here to tell you that you need to get right or anything of that nature. You are doing great. You said that all you have left is your belief in God and your belief in Jesus, and that is all you need. God and time will work everything else out. You don't need anyone, including me, to tell you how to live or coerce you in some manipulative way.
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