A recent comment by Peter, "It's my prayer that the reality of sin and God's justice would break your hardened heart and that the good news of God's perfect grace would mend that broken heart."
First of all, my heart is neither hardened nor broken. I sure felt that way for most of my life after years of indoctrination of being told "you're a sinner", "you're broken", "you need to ask Jesus to soften your heart". No. I'm just a human; neither good or bad. Just existing. Have I done things that society would consider morally wrong? Sure. Have I done things that I personally find to be wrong? Yes. But I not longer believe that any of these things are worthy of being burned for eternity in a lake of fire if I don't believe correctly, say magical words or live a certain way. Not that there aren't consequences to possibly face for actions but those consequences happen here, while alive, and are not forever.
No need to give me a Christianese rant as I know every argument you'll try to give. They bore me. If your God is truly real and truly loving then I'm fine and I'll have to gamble on those things and not the bullshit guilt trip I've been sold my entire life.
All that said; I do want to sincerely thank The Crossing Church for being the final straw that got me out of the Christian life.
Thank you for not answering my questions, as I finally learned that no one has those answers.
Thank you for being abusive to your members, as I then had to leave and thankfully never go back.
Thank you for being so arrogant and vain, as it gave confirmation to my intuition saying "this just isn't right".
Thank you for keeping me on the outside and never letting me into the popular crowd, as I'm sure I would have stayed and still be sucked into your nonsense.
Thank you for consistently acting ridiculous, as that forced me to dig deeper and open my eyes.
Thank you for mismanaging money and living large off the tithes of your members.
I was just reading a recent post by Pastor Eric Dykstra that said to walk in freedom, joy and love. I do walk in those things because of releasing Christianity. No book of rules, no forced giving, no expectations. I get to think for myself, use logic and reason, and not believe I'm hard and broken. It's a true freedom like no other.
I thank you because after all the searching, the sadness, the pain and the anger, I'm finally free of you. I kissed hell, a vengeful God, penal substitutionary atonement and the "inerrant word of God" good bye and it's wonderful. I did it all while in Christianity: every prayer, every study, every song, every shame filled service. I did all these things while pushing down the feeling that it was all bullshit. Asked Jesus into my heart a good 10,000 times, and was even told by a Crossing church leader "maybe you should do it again - out loud in front of me" because supposedly their presence would make it take and then I'd feel it the way they did? Whatever. Baptized twice and no special supernatural thing ever happened. It was in going all in at The Crossing Church that it finally fell apart.
I don't know if there is a God. I don't know if there is an after life. I don't know and that's OK. I live in the tension between the possibility of an all powerful deity and nothingness. And that's fine. I'm open to all thoughts, possibilities and ideas. I accept that what I feel today will probably change. Jesus said his burden was light, and he was cool so maybe that's true, but the burden of the church is unbearable. So happy to be free. Thank you Crossing Church.
10 comments:
The only problem I have with your post is this: The Crossing was not even a "Church" or a part of Christianity. None of us were living a Christian life while going there. It was an abusive Cult that slapped the name Jesus on top of it. Kim, while you say you are "out" of Christianity, you already were when we were all at The Crossing. ~Jeremy
Hey Jeremy - While I sure won't fight you on The Crossing being a cult, I do have to say this comment comes off as very dismissive of where I was while I was there and where I am at now. So are you saying I was "in Christianity" at my church before The Crossing but once I started going there that I completely left Christianity at that moment? Is leaving Christianity that simple? You walk in one door and you're in and another and you're out? Again, this is very demeaning to both me as well as my efforts and journey.
HI Kim, I am not trying to be demeaning or dismissive and I apologize for coming off that way, however, I am just unsure how a place that I would not consider a Church, especially a Christian one, can push someout "out" of Chrisitanity. Were people worshipping the actual Jesus of the Bible when we were there or Dykstra and trying to "fit in" with the "in" crowd. For any of us (including myself) to sit there and listen to AC/DC or Ozzy during a worship service and then listen to Dykstra's Constant Bible twisting and not get up and walk out and to call ourselves "Christians" really makes no sense to me. Why I say that is the people who were Christians that I invited knew it was not a Christian Church from the get go. If you left Christianity I would say you are giving the Crossing WAY to much credit for that. Are they a Cult? yep. Abusive? Yep. Are they turning Christians into non-Christian? I dont think so. They are just itching ears that want to be itched, no different than Osteen, Furtick and the rest of them. I think more people become Christians because they actually picked up their Bible and read it and then left. I dont know what your efforts are Kim? To warn of the abuse of the Crossing? or to slam Christianity? But both in the same sentence just do not make sense anymore. To me it's like ripping the Mormon Church and calling it Christianity. To those that are calling Kim "bitter"....wouldn't you be bitter if you were abused? Trust me, once you leave the Crossing you will be bitter as well. To everyone who has left, praise God that you did, its not Christianity.
I do not give The Crossing all credit in my well thought out choice to leave Christianity. I refer to them as the final straw that broke me of it but this decision was after many years, decades in fact, of giving it my all. Ironically it was in "picking up a bible and reading it" that I finally saw all the ridiculousness and contradictions. I'm well versed, all puns intended, on what the bible says and I simply don't believe it. The purpose of this blog is two-fold: it is to call out what The Crossing is doing to people (original intent of the blog) and it's also a cathartic way for me to process how I feel about what went on there as well as my journey through and out of Christianity. So is The Crossing Church really a church or "Christian"? I don't know or care. I use the term "church" as that's part of their name. I use the term "Christianity" as that is what they profess. Does it meet the standards of what the "true Christians" believe to be correct? Again, I don't know and don't care.
Sounds like you've been a part of a TON of legalistic "Churches", which leaves people to believe that they have to "give it there all". Here is what Jesus says in John when they ask him what a Work of God is: John 6 28-29 28 Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”
29 Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
what must we do??? Believe in Jesus the one who the Father sent. Its saddening that the majority of Churches by pass what Jesus says they must "do". They misuse when Jesus says "love God and love neighbor" as they do not read the verses before that when the man is trying to "justify himself", they turn Jesus summerizing God's law into Jesus saying thats what you MUST do ( love God and neighbor). What is a "true" Christian or Biblically grounded Church? ( I guess this is only my opinion) They teach and believe that EVERY story in the Bible shows us Jesus Christ, they teach and believe that Gods Law shows us God's expectations of how we are to live and it brings us to our knees because we recognize that we cannot live up to being perfect, and then the gopsel, God came down, born of a virgin, lived the perfect life that you and I couldnt, died on a cross, rose from the dead and WHOEVER believes in him has eternal life. I have read the Bible countless times, the only contridiction i have seen would be a slight from what James says and what Paul says, however, James is saying if you have faith, you will most certainly produce fruit. While I know you know the verses i just wrote, I feel its never a bad thing to share the gospel with someone, I know that I need to hear it EVERYDAY, weather I think im a "true" Christian or not, i do know that I am a sinner and I need the Good News of my Savior each day. If you believe the Good News or not I think no differently of you. however, i guess i do get a little bitter when I see that place linked in with the "church" or Christianity. :)
If you aren't finding massive contradictions in the bible then you simply aren't reading it. Not to mention, in the Bible you’ll find passages featuring Cruelty/Violence, Discrimination against Homosexuals, Scientific Absurdities/Historical Inaccuracies, or Misogyny/Violence/Discrimination against Women. These are all show us Jesus? No, thank you. I want no part of this.
Now really; what was the point of this rant to me? I stated quite clearly that I do not believe in the bible, possibly as historical text, but not the "inerrant word of God", not by a long shot. So why are you giving me this special gospel lesson? I'll save you the time - this wasn't for me, it was for you. It was so you can feel quite smug and self righteous and feel you've done your special good Christian deed for the day. I don't appreciate your passive aggressive condescension.
I am sure you have read this, but here is some more fuel for your blog that shows Dykstra telling people to give above and beyond, I feel sorry for the gal who wrote it as she is very dilusional (Saying they were not "trusting" God because they were responsible for having a savings account) http://www.pastorericdykstra.com/eric_offstage/2014/07/guest-post-dont-trust-the-stash-pastor-eric-dykstra-the-crossing-church-elk-river-mn.html
BTW, you are wrong, I do not do things to be smug or self-righteous and I do not believe in doing "daily" Christian good deeds... I am not a "checklist" Christian. Have a wonderful 4th of July!
https://www.barna.org/barna-update/faith-spirituality/611-christians-more-like-jesus-or-pharisees#.U_IkWIBdXrn
I believe everyone is entitled to their opinions. Your opinion is that the Crossing ruined your life. You say you are beyond the church now and Christinaity yet you consume your time bashing the church, the pastors, and the members of the church. That does not seem like you are over it. I have a different opinion. The Crossing did save my life. I believed in God as a child but I reached a point as a teenager where things didn't go my way so I blamed God. I got into drugs, drinking, having sex with random people. My mom got Stage 4 cancer and almost died. I was going through 4 years of an unknown disease that caused horrible pain. Through all of this I had nothing. I had friends and family that supported me but inside of myself I felt alone and suicidal. I tried believing in other religions or the universe and positive energy. All of it didn't work for me. I was invited to the crossing in March of 2014 and it changed my life. I did not feel like I had to give my money to the church or I wasn't welcome. In no way did I see it as a cult. I enjoy that they play crazy music. I love that they accept people that are not accepted anywhere else. I do dedicated my time, talent and money to the Crossing because I see the church as my home and my family and I do those things for my family.
AGAIN- everyone is entitle to their opinion because it is their opinion. We all have our own experiences, our own stories. The best thing to do is to respect everyone. I am not calling you out and telling you that you are a horrible person for all the stuff you are saying. Just keep in mind the amount of energy you are spending on bashing this church when you could use your talents and time for much greater things in this world.
I've never said The Crossing Church ruined my life. My life is quite happy and well. I continue speaking out against manipulative churches, and I speak specifically about the Crossing as that is where I experienced it most. I keep speaking because I keep seeing the abuse happening. I'm not trying to stop you from doing anything. Yes, I am out of church and Christianity, but that doesn't mean I'm not still processing my experience. You have no idea of what I do for others in my personal life so don't attempt to speak on such things. I assure you this doesn't take much energy at all.
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