The Questions you continue to ask me about The Crossing Church (Free Grace United)

Crossing church people, and those trying to make sense of their nonsense, I see you and I hear you.  I see what posts you are looking at.  I see when there are spikes in views and how they correlate to what The Crossing is currently doing.  I hear your questions. I see your confusion as you try to fight me.  Well let me use this post to reiterate any points I've made previously.  Disagree with me?  Bring it on.  All comments are welcome, and though accused of it, I've never moderated or deleted anything.

Here is what you're looking at and asking about:

Money & Tithing - Where does your money go when you give to the Crossing?
Eric & Kelly's lifestyle is the first thing the comes into question.  The travel, the homes, the cars, the vacations.  It's all right there.  Ask for their salaries?  You will be shot down.

The Crossing Church wants your money right away!
The Crossing profits big from Pastor Kelly's Twirl event
The Crossing Church playing on Fear and Greed for cash
Subtle manipulation to get more money
A challenge for Kelly Dykstra
Where does my tithe money go? (Kelly takes a vacation)
The Crossing Church's 10% Advantage - I
The Crossing Church's 10% Advantage - II
The Crossing Church's 10% Advantage - III

The Crossing's affirmation (or lack of) for the LGBT community (short answer is you are not affirmed and they feel being gay is a sin)
The Crossing Church comes out of the closet
The Crossing Church's LGBT statement
Pride Weekend and The Crossing Church

You want to know what they care about and where their hearts are?  They show you all the time.

My Last Christmas at The Crossing Church

Author's Note: This post will be a bit more personal and not as many direct jabs at The Crossing Church (though there will be some).  I'm fully carb loaded, with wine in hand, and ready for the comments about how I'm so "bitter" and have "hardened my heart".  

My last Christmas as The Crossing Church was December of 2010.  It was a Christmas Eve service, candlelight I believe, and I was stressed as always.

Going to church The Crossing Church as a family was difficult.  First, there are people directing you in the parking lot.  This is nice and fine if you have a small vehicle.  My husband drives a large truck, and without fail there was some 15 year old forcibly directing my husband into a spot that would never fit the truck.  My husband would be mad, would ignore the direction (you are supposed to submit to their authority, even if they are idiots, so my nerves would go to high), and park where he wanted.  I would be praying the entire time for God, Jesus, someone to please give us a truck-sized spot so we could obey and not get in trouble.  Never.  Not once.

Next came the seating Nazis.  In accordance with Crossing policy (or rather copying what Elevation Church does), people would be seated front to back with no spaces in between.  This was to give a feeling of high energy and excitement.  Well fuck...my husband has a bad knee and needs to be on an end to straighten his leg.  He would ask the seating person kindly to seat him on an end, up front, in back, any end as long as he wasn't cramped in the middle.  They would begrudgingly do it but not without a shit ton of shame.  But then inevitably they would need to fill more seats and try to force us to the middle.  It was a fight every single week and this time was no exception.

I didn't want to obey them, I fully saw my husband's point, but I felt The Crossing was my last hope in trying to do the Christian thing, and felt compliance was the only way I could make it to the other side.  As we sat down I was arranging my coat, gloves and purse, and looked down to see the diamond had fallen out of my wedding ring.  My eyes welled with tears.  In any other place or situation I would have asked for help in looking for it.  I would have asked for the lights to be turned on, or asked that people search for it after the service.  But I didn't feel I could do that here.  We were supposed to be depopulating hell and not worried about material things.  I felt I'd be shamed to ask.

Now my diamond wasn't some massive full carat or anything special.  It was a chip at best.  My husband had proposed on Christmas Eve.  We were poor and he used all he had to buy me that ring.  It was my chip.  Now here we were on Christmas Eve again and it was gone forever.  I prayed, "Why?  Why?!  Am I really not allowed anything?  WHY!?!"  The silence permeated me.

That was to be the last Christmas Eve in a church for me.  I don't miss it.  I don't miss a thing.

Tracking your every move at The Crossing Church

So you'd like to go to church, stay a little under the radar and then go about your life?  Not at The Crossing Church, as your every move is now being tracked.  Lets break down how it now works:

Well you already know about the seat Nazis; you aren't allowed to be a grown up and pick the seat of your choosing as you are told where you will sit.  This is done for two reasons; first, to make the room look filled and create an excited energy from being packed together, second, is for you to start submitting to their self-claimed authority over you.

Now along with your assigned seat comes the new Section Leaders.  This is the brain child of mega-church pastor Bill Hybels.  As you can see in this video, he explains that the entire church will be broken out into sections and each section will have a leader.  He wants every person that comes in the church to be 'touched' by someone and welcomed.  Sounds nice, right?  Not really.  The Section Leaders are then responsible for reciting scripted messages, usually about serving or tithing, to their sections and making those numbers happen. They'll speak to you as if they have some special thoughts from their heart but they have been given the exact words to say.  If they see a new person they are to stop any conversation they are having and try and get that new person to their section.  So of course numbers in each section are tracked, how many people they speak to are tracked and how many conversations they have outside of church are tracked.  More people in the door means more tithe money coming in.  Are you seeing the manipulation now?

When you don't show up the next week you are called as you're now on their radar.  It's all done under the guise of "we miss you" but what they miss is that you are a number and their numbers went down when you weren't there.  It's all false caring and it's fucking hurtful.

I'll say it again and I won't stop saying it ~ YOU CAN LEAVE!  You may feel you have to stay, you may feel you have nowhere else to go, you may feel stuck but you aren't.  People will not go to hell because you leave The Crossing Church.  God is not going to be angry if you make a decision for yourself.  You are not alone and you will be just fine.  Really.

Here is why The Crossing Church (Free Grace United) has been called a Cult

In The Crossing Church's latest series "Havin' Church", Eric Dykstra gave a sermon called "What's the difference between a Church and a Cult?"  Do tell!  I listened with great anticipation to find that cults were never spoken of in this sermon.  Curious.  There are many ways to speak on a number of points that came up from this sermon, but right now I only want to talk about why they didn't actually talk about cults, and more specifically why The Crossing Church has been called a cult.

The sermon tried to explain what a "healthy" church looks like, and by comparison, how The Crossing Church is supposedly healthy.  (It's not.)  Eric Dykstra says that a healthy church is not label focused, not person focused and not system focused.  This from the person that put his and his wife's faces on a billboard.  This from the person that tries to brand everything with the Crossing logo. This from the church that has a fully system focused Code!  

I broke this down in my post "I'm Offended" as to why people called The Crossing Church a Cult.  I'll list the reasons again:

• A mother was trying to save her son after your reckless comments and authority trip caused him to leave his family, get married hastily and leave college.  Here is her story: One Mother's Journey 
• You were kicking people out of your church, ruining lives and acting like a cult.  Another story: Open Letter to Eric Dykstra
• You were so focused on church growth and yourselves that people were treated like they were disposable. Another story:Keeping the Faith
• You were forcing submission, insane amounts of tithing and promoting fear.  WCCO news report: Community in Elk River Discusses Controversial Church
• You wouldn't take accountability for anything.  WCCO news report: Pastor Addresses Controversy
• You were allowing abusive leadership to lie and hurt others. My Story 

Here are typical signs of possibly being in a cult (see below).  It's fair to note that some of these signs can be present, and maybe the organization isn't necessarily a cult, but it's still controlling and dangerous.

• •Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.

The Dykstra's have no accountability.  They bring other mega church leaders on as board members, and these leaders have a thirst for fame just as the Dykstra's, so there is no one to monitor the situation and keep things safe.

No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.

No one is allowed to question.

No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget or expenses, such as an independently audited financial statement.

• Ask for a statement of the church's finances.  Ask to know the Dykstra's salaries.  You'll get nothing.

There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.

• People that leave are outcasts.

Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.

• See blog posts in list above.

There are records, books, news articles, or broadcast reports that document the abuses of the group/leader.

• WCCO news did multiple reports on the abuses of The Crossing.

• The group/leader is always right.

• Read The Code.  Eric Dykstra is felt to have a Vision from God!

 The Crossing Church members are expected to orbit their lives around that church, they are expected to tithe (big!) and serve to exhaustion.  No, The Crossing it's Jonestown about to drink the Kool Aid (yet), but it has domineering leadership, manipulative tactics and unhealthy behaviors.

As Eric Dykstra loves to say, "Run, Forest, Run!!"

Christmas Dreams at The Crossing Church

I just listened to "Christmas Dreams", weeks 1 & 2, by The Crossing Church, and I was reminded of my last Christmas there back in December of 2010. As I walked into the auditorium I noticed I'd lost the diamond to my wedding ring. I scrambled looking under chairs but couldn't find it. We were being told to move along to get others in, and clearly my issue was of no concern. I held back tears, and stuffed down emotions, because I felt bad that I was concerned over a material possession when I was supposed to be worried about people going to hell. That moment felt ominous. It was like I knew the end was coming in some way. The next year I went all in; money, serving, begging and pleading for God's will. By June of 2011 everything exploded, I saw them for who they really were, and I left.

Some key points from week 1:

• Mary had a willing hear to do the hard stuff.  “Do you?”

• Your story will never be included if you’re not willing to do ‘whatever’.

• Why would God even bother to talk, if he already knows you’re not willing to listen?

• In what area of your life has your heart become unwilling? 

• He will shine favor in the darkest places of your life but you must be willing…

• He searches every thought and understands every thought we have.

• The reason why you lost the joy of your salvation is because it’s not tied to a willing spirit.

• (fake tears around 35:30)

Bottom line: IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!

At they end they had everyone take a Christmas dreams card from the back of chair.  You were to admit how you haven't been willing in some way to do all God wants.  (Assumption that you aren't giving your all.  This is always the fall back at church when your life isn't thriving...you're doing something wrong."  You were to write “I have had an unwilling heart about_______” and get up out of your seat, and set the paper on the stage up front.”  (Churches love making you make a public display of yourself.  They call it accountability and not the public shaming that it really is.)

Some key points from week 2:

• A god given dream is about advancing Jesus, not advancing self

   “It’s our role on planet earth to make Jesus look good!”
• God put you on earth to advance him
• every time an interruption happens, it’s an inconvenience or an introduction to something better (really?  Every time, huh?)
• "so I pray they get a job, and after they get the job we don't see them anymore, the job wasn't a dream, it was a temptation!" 
• "can you please give me a raise so I can tithe less"  
• power couple for Jesus (Eric & Kelly Dykstra)
• willing heart to do all the hard stuff God asks us to do

So this sermon went on incessantly about not having your own dreams but only God's dreams.  Yet...the Dykstra's are sure thriving and living their dreams! Travel!  Luxury shoes! (Yes, the infamous Louboutins make another appearance.) Vacations!  It's interesting that though they preach on God providing increase; we're only seeing the Dykstra's increasing.  Are their staff buying new homes?  New cars?  Taking long international vacations?  

I found both sermons to be total bullshit and another way to manipulate people to give to them.  "Do _____ and God will _____."  No, he won't.  I was obedient. I did tithe.  I did give.  I did serve.  I was fucking willing.  Nothing happened.